More drafts dreck!

Acchhhhhhhhh!

If you’ve been wondering.

If you’re one of the two or three readers of this blog and you’re wondering or have noticed things have been a bit sparse of late, I actually have begged off a bit of late just because I’ve been so busy working.

I’m fortunate, I have work and I’ve been working fairly regularly for some time now.

This contrasts against many people in my field, around my age or older. People I know who are out of work and have been out of work for a long time.

I can’t afford to be out of work, it’s as simple as that and I am glad to have a job and to have work as well but, I will say it leaves me with precious little time to do much else. A normal day involves me getting up somewhere between 4:45 and 6 am to get myself ready for the day. And once I do get in, I pretty much sit down and work the whole shift without too much of a break.

One of the things I’ve noticed about offices these days, something that contrasts with how it was even a few years ago is that no one really takes a lunch anymore. I don‘t know when it happened but, happen it did and now it I see the majority of people in the company where I work, pop out to get something to eat or heat something up in the kitchen and then eat at their desk while they’re still working.

Again, I don’t know what happened but while it’s not the rule it is very common.

And I don’t really talk on the phone much anymore either. Whether it’s the cell or even the work phone, I just find I don’t really like having a conversation on the phone so much...

That’s where I stopped. I haven‘t had work in too long now and I’m starting to get more than a little concerned about it. I don’t want it to go much longer and I certainly hope it doesn’t or big problems are going to be happening.

I’ve got a lot of things I need to get done this year...

I need to get my teeth done. If I was a famous writer maybe I would impose upon my fans and just have them send me money to help out for my own mismanagement of life but I’m not.

I guess I just have to suck it up like so many ‘normal’ people.

I’m getting older now though and while I don’t mind my job, I am getting very, very tired of freelancing and wish I could find some decent staff gig I could just lock into nad not have to worry about the whole hunt aspect of freelancing.

It’s a big pain in the ass to put it mildly.

I’ve been lucky in a lot of ways, lucky in the sense that I have managed to keep at it and keep working for the most part when I’ve seen peers just get locked out of the profession altogether.

I’d like to think I’m good at what I do but a part of me feels I’ll never be as good as I want to be.

The other day, I was looking at some work I have which I have been meaning to get up on a portfolio site. This is another area where I keep dragging my feet, actually setting up the portfolio site and getting it done.

I am HYPERCRITICAL of my work. REALLY. I have worked with some of the most AMAZING people over the course of my career. I mean, I am jealous of their talent because they make it look so g-damn easy!

I sweat every damn thing I work on and even afterward IT’S STILL NOT ENOUGH!

And the thing is, I look back on some of this work or projects that I’ve been involved with and the funny thing is I cannot tell you how many thing I’ve worked on have wound up winning design awards (while I wasn’t the designer believe me, I am very involved in each and every thing I do work on).

It’s frustrating...

So, I lose my train of thought here. Work is different, I’m different, life changes... tough it out.